In the works...PRETTY PONY

Not too long ago there was a studio opening for storyboard artists on a children's show. Since I spent last spring doing storyboards for a preschooler DVD (and concept art, character designs, and environments, too!) I thought it would be a natural. Unfortunately, all of the work I had done is legally blocked off (they're still in production), so rather than gripe and whine I thought I would just get going on making some brand new stuff for the kiddies.





So here's a story idea I had about a year ago (yeah, and I'm just now starting on it...gowan, hit me with scorn!) that I thought would be nice for a children's show. A cute little girl on a ranch who wants to ride a horsie. Sounds sweet, right?

(Well, wait 'til you see the horsie!)


In other news, I recently met a very cool storyboard artist, Llyn Hunter, who's super awesome (in that she's talented and nice!). Check out her site if you want to see some really good storyboard work!

TALENT SHOW

The Scapula "Parole" board has now officially been included in my portfolio! I decided that I'll take my chances with the potty humor but to balance things out my next board is going to be a completely clean, family-friendly story. I've already started on it, so I'll show you guys something soon.



In the meantime, here's another relic from the college archives; my first attempt to storyboard a music video/animation. The song is Think Tank's "A Knife and a Fork" and is used here for non-profit entertainment purposes only, so don't go racing for your your lawyers, folks!

PART 4: REVISION (part II)

So, while I am satisfied with the way this storyboard has turned out, there is one thing on my mind that may just require another trip back to the drawing board.

Not too long after this pass was completed, I had to send a portfolio to a big-name studio for a potential storyboard job. Since every portfolio needs to be tailored specifically for the job I had to choose which samples to use carefully. I was ready to use my latest board, the one we've been following along for the past several posts, until I realized one specific part of it might not go over too well with this studio. The part I'm referring to is, naturally, the 'poo joke'.

Now comes the time when we have to engage in that inner debate of what we think is funny versus what others want to see. I think the gag is funny; the studio in question where I was sending the portfolio probably wouldn't have agreed. So, for safety's sake, I didn't include it. But what am I going to do with this board if I can't use it in a portfolio?

So now I have some options to choose from: leave the board alone and take my chances, change the gag to a cleaner one, or just think of an entirely different plot point to use. Of course, just because the joke is funny doesn't mean it's the only alternative to getting Scapula inside the high-security cell room (I don't revere in my own brilliance or anything, and this isn't as great of a joke as "fish sticks/gay fish"). Maybe it could be funnier with something else, but what happens if that 'something else' is just as taboo as the 'stool sample' gag?

Around and around like a dachshund chasing his caboose.

Back to brainstorming. I'll let you guys and gals voice your two cents: what would you do?

PART 4: REVISION

So here's my revision, based for the most parts on Karen's advice. I'll get nitpicky and explain my changes in the next post.

PART 3: CRITIQUE AND REVIEW (part IV)

The final part of storyboard expert Karen J Lloyd's review of the Scapula board. Here's Karen:

Then the others just casually walk out of the cells. Hmm. Then it ends with what looks like a line of dialogue that isn’t included. If there is supposed to be some, add it (unless you were going to in the final version). It would be better if dialogue wasn’t needed though.

Since it’s a portfolio piece, I would play with this section some more. Can you add more obstacles for Skapula? Lasers in the room? More tricks out of his bag? Can you use more action and suspense for the final break out? Some kind of ‘time is running out’ kind of thing?

Maybe other guards are on the way. An alarm could go off after he smashes the panel with the hammer. Then through a series of short, inventive (or funny) events, he gets his buddies out in the nick of time.

This will be much more fun to look at in a portfolio. And show off your skills a bit more.

All in all, great draftsmanship with fun characters and a good grasp of visual storytelling. You just need to bring it more to “we’re making a real cartoon here” to take it further away from “comic-land”.

As I tell everyone who get a critique from me, it’s still your choice what to change and what to keep. These are just my professional and personal opinions.

(But of course, I’m right. *ahem*)

Pump up the ending a bit and you’ll have a solid piece to show off your great skills.

So let's all give a big round of applause for Karen and her long-winded but well-minded thoughts! Yaaaaay! Again, remember folks, Karen does this for a living, so if you have a storyboard for an animation, film or whatnot in the works it may be worth your while to send it her way.

KAREN J LLOYD, Visual Storytelling Insights, Tips & Advice for Anyone Who's Interested

Our next step is the revision, which we'll begin next time. Tune in!

PART 3: CRITIQUE AND REVIEW (part III)

Once again, Karen J Lloyd's critique continues. Once again, sorry this has been chopped into multiple posts.

Here's Karen:

PAGE 5

• Panel one, have him walk IN and let’s see him holding the bag.

• Don’t rely only on words for gags. This could (if a real cartoon) be seen in other languages, so use visuals to support it where you can. So adding an ‘eye’ graphic on the screen will help drive home the message here.

• Third panel. A bit more acting here would be good. How does he feel about this? Was he expecting this? Annoyed? Confident? Have some fun here with another panel or two.

• Fourth panel, have the jar come IN to shot and the screen still with eye/required message. THEN screen changes to approved (give it the before and after poses). But we can’t SEE “approved” on that tiny screen. Consider changing this to a big check-mark (that could be green in a finished film).

• Panel six, same thing. Maybe add a hand graphic. But hook it up by starting with the check mark, then it changes to this next request.

PAGE 6

• Panel one, use same shot/set up as for reaching in for the jar. Could add more acting too. Mounting frustration? Use the opportunity instead of the hand at the bag shot. But just end on him reaching into the bag (not pulling out the hand).

• Panel two, hand comes IN to shot. Two poses with the screen still with hand graphic. Second pose changes to check mark.

• Panel three, keep as is, then add another “Ha!” victory pose. Then it changes to panel 5 with your “Huh??” pose.

• NOW show panel 4. But uh…use a graphic for the message. (Good luck with that one…)

• Now REPEAT panel five’s “Huh??” pose, then add a “Grr!!” pose to it (two panels).

• Panel six kind of ruins your hammer gag. (Unless the gag was that he was going to pull a wee-wee out of the bag…but I didn’t think he was. So it kinda doesn’t work.) I’d suggest going wider with him standing in front of the door to start. Then he could turn his back to us, faking us out that he’s going to whip out HIS wee-wee. (A “zip” sound FX could be fun…but it’s the bag).

PAGE 7

• NOW do the hammer gag as is, only cropped a bit closer.

• Third, fourth & fifth panel has that perspective thing again. Even lower horizon line will help.

But from here to the end, I think could use more story help. Nothing really ‘interesting’ happens from here to the end. Shots of someone just walking (while this should be an exciting break-out) just aren’t that fun to watch.

The rest of the critique will be up in a day or two; which will give me time to clean all the tear-stroked mascara off of my face!

PART 3: CRITIQUE AND REVIEW (part II)

Again, sorry folks, but this wonderful critique is being told in segments (blame Blogger! well, okay, don't, but still there's only so much you can put in a post).

We return to our expert artist Karen J Lloyd, who is providing this insightful crit. Take it away, Karen!

PAGE 3

• The first panel could be a continuation from the last scene. Janitor walks in, diagonal pan UP to his face. Takes off the props, pulls off the mask as you have done.

• NOTE: Watch out for adjusting the sizes of your characters within panels of the same scene. You kind of shrunk him in the fourth panel to accommodate the pose. Don’t do that. Either start wide enough to fit it in or you need some camera adjustment. If nothing has changed, the character size MUST stay consistent throughout a scene.

• Dump the scene in panel six and just continue the previous scene with Scapula tossing the mask and walking OUT. Don’t need this scene.

PAGE 4

• Make panel two your first panel. He left the previous scene, so he can be anywhere now. So show that wide shot of him at the control panel. We see where the guard is…all is good. We know where we are.

• NOW put your first panel second. He approached the control panel, now we SEE what he’s doing in this shot. Great.

• Now on to panel three as is. You could repeat what the screens look like in new panel one, then that they are turning off here. Keep panel four as is.

• Lower horizon line in panel five for this to work better.

• Panel six – bag issue. Where did it come from? Where was it before? Don’t let the audience have this question in their heads. A quick close shot of him picking it up by the door between panel four and five could help. Like he had it waiting outside for him. Don’t leave unanswered questions like this floating around because you don’t want to deal with it. You have to.

To see more of Karen's work and advice, visit her site at http://karenjlloyd.com/blog/home. We'll post the rest of her review in a few days.